dead men tell no tales...

When Heather and I were at Costco last weekend, I noticed that for sale were huge 24-packs of toilet paper. $14.99, if I recall. I looked at those massive bags of ass-wipingness and wondered, if I were to buy one of those big bags of buttcloth, would I ever again need to buy t.p.?

But t.p. is like that... it's deceptive.

Put a new roll on the holder in your bathroom and it looks full. Big, heavy, like you'll never run out. Then use some, and use some more; have a party and invite some friends over to use some as well. Sooner than later, your beloved big t.p. roll is shrinking with increased rapidity. It's in the design. The deceptive, manipulative design. See, as a t.p. roll turns, dispensing its hygenic product, it shrinks. And as the diameter of a cylinder shrinks, the distance covered by a single turn is reduced. When you first toss on a roll of t.p., one full turn-around may yield two or more whole squares of backside-cleaning goodness. But near the end of the t.p. roll lifecycle, a turn of the cardboard tubing may dispense a half sheet, or less, until you get down to the last square sheet...

Which wraps completely around the roll. For shame.

For SHAME! Those that sell the good people of America their t.p. should have, by now, found a way around the laws of physics to cease this seemingly endless charade! FOR SHAME!

It is 2005, after all! We have flying cars, the cure for cancer, and we brought Redd Fox back from the dead. I'd think by now, we could turn our attention, as a society, towards the enigmatic conundrum that is the ever-shrinking, deceptive, manipulative toilet paper roll.

For shame.

posted by Steve  # 8:08 AM