dead men tell no tales...

...and drink no wine, and are therefore no good at parties

Friday, April 29, 2005


...welcome, foolish mortals...

I feel like poop. I want to find a different job. One that pays better. I want to leave work now, not in 5 hours. I want to be in Disney World. Now. Actually, I want to be in bed. Now. I want to be thin. Ha. I want to be more interesting than I am. I want I want I want, me me me. [ listening to: Haunted Mansion ride audio ]

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


too bad i would never move to Cleveland......

Opening: Internet Marketing Producer, Cleveland Indians (MLB), Cleveland OH Optimize performance of Club sites as it relates to increasing traffic, registered users & revenue gen. Liaison between assigned Clubs & MLBAM personnel, manages Club-specific feature /functionality development: promos, subscription products, Shop & Ticketing initiatives, sweepstakes & marketing pages. Coordinate design, editorial & technical teams; develop & manage schedule & project budget. Serve as tech/design troubleshooting in support of daily site QA. Produce, proof, test & send HTML & Text online newsletters & other email through delivery software. Create directories & work areas & other production responsibilities. Track data, analyze results & implement changes based on site data. Req: BA/BS. 3+ yrs exper. in Internet Production, understanding of e-commerce, marketing, sponsorship & subscription products. Project management exper. Weekends & late nights a must. Subject line: "Cleveland MP." Email:

i actually worked out yesterday...

...yeah, went to the gym. No, really, I did. Half an hour on the elliptical, jogged 2.5 miles. Yes, really. I burned like 500 calories, that's not bad... well... it won't be bad as I start to eat better. I am too going to eat better! Yes, yes I am! Stop laughing. Okay now you're hurting my feelings. Thank you. In other news the A's came back from a 3-0 5th inning deficit to take the lead 4-3, then came back from a 7-4 6th inning deficit to win 9-7 last night, snapping both the White Sox' 8-game winning streak, and the A's own 29-inning scoreless streak. Thank christ. Kendall, Chavez, Kielty and Swisher each had two hits, and Chavez drove in 3 runs. Harden got roughed up though, giving up 5 runs in five and a third innings, raising his season ERA from a gaudy 0.44 to a still-impressive (and more maintainable) 2.10. In fantasy news, I still hate the Yankees. However, A-Rod is on my fantasy team, and last night against the The Angels Angels, the quarter-billionaire went 4-for-5 with 3 home runs and an absolutely ridiculous 10 RBI. His performance was worth 27 fantasy points... the best team in our league for their entire best week score 275. I think my team is finally waking up (I've scored more points this week than anyone else in the league, and am winning my two games by margins of about 24 and about 58 points. If I win both games this week (against my dad (a division opponent) and Andy), I will pull to .500 on the season, and will have gotten progressively better each week (0-2, 1-1, 1-1, 2-0). Plus, I think my team only looks to get better, with guys like Swisher, McPherson, and Reed getting confidence in their playing time, guys like Renteria and A-Rod who were struggling (are, in the case of Edgar) but will be solid all year long, Rocco Baldelli coming off my DL in July, and the best hitter (Delmon Young) and best pitcher (Felix Hernandez) in the minor leagues sitting, waiting for their shots at The Show. Oh yeah. Working out rules. I just feel good. Even though it was yesterday afternoon. Today I'm gonna go back, do more elliptical and maybe, just maybe, attack a nautilus machine or two (they intimidate me). I made me a workout mix on my iPod, because it kept shuffling to downbeat songs yesterday that just killed me. Without further adieu: AIR - Alpha Beta Gaga Alice in Chains - Them Bones Andre 3000 - Hey Ya! At the Drive-in - One Armed Scissor Beck - Ghettochip Malfunction (Hell Yes remix) Beck - E-Pro Beck - Mixed Bizness Beck - Milk & Honey Big Boi - The Way You Move Bush - Machinehead Cake - Let Me Go Counting Crows - Hangin' Around The Darkness - Get Your Hands Off My Woman Dizzee Rascal - Fix Up, Look Sharp Dizzee Rascal - Jus' A Rascal Faith No More - From Out of Nowhere Foo Fighters - Monkey Wrench Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Two Tribes Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out Franz Ferdinand - This Fire Hot Hot Heat - You Owe Me an IOU The Jayhawks - Come to the River Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl? Jimmy Eat World - Sweetness Junior Senior - Move You Feet The Killers - Somebody Told Me Korn - Got the Life Mu - Why I Left Mu - Jealous Kids Muse - Hysteria The Music - Breakin' N*E*R*D - Things Are Getting Better New Found Glory - Hit or Miss The New Radicals - You Get What You Give Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same Ozzy Osbourne - Bark at the Moon The Rapture - Olio The Rapture - I Need Your Love Saliva - Your Disease Saliva - Doperide Saliva - Click Click Boom Slayer - Raining Blood SR71 - Right Now Usher - Yeah! Wang Chung - Dance Hall Days Blur - Song 2 Deftones - My Own Summer Dub Pistols - Keep Movin' Fenix TX - Phoebe Cates Korn - A.D.I.D.A.S. Tupc & Dr. Dre - California Love I'm not sure why I just did that. 228 days, 15 hours, 45 minutes, 59 seconds

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


tuesdays ain't much better than mondays

I sent my resume off to two more companies this morning, from craigslist postings, both in San Ramon, one for a web designer, one for a marketing assistant. We'll see what happens (for instance, we'll see if I ever even get a "thanks for your application" email).

Monday, April 25, 2005


another monday...

So Heather and I saw Fever Pitch yesterday. It was pretty funny. Y'know, cute. I liked a lot of the baseball stuff (even though some things were gotten wrong, I'm sorry to say), and it was a little fitting, as while I am in no way as insane as Jimmy Fallon's character, I am something of a baseball fanatic, and Heather, well, isn't. Not to say, of course, that she doesn't like baseball... she in fact, does. But still. If I were to ask her what the infield fly rule, a sacrifice fly, a balk, or a fielder's choice is(are?), she might know one of the four. And there's certainly nothing wrong with that, it's just that I'm kind of a nut for baseball.

Anyway I'm done babbling. The movie was fine and dandy. I don't think we'd been out to a movie since we saw Hitch in Disneyland on Valentine's Day. Speaking of Disney...

230 days, 15 hours, 10 minutes, 50 seconds

There, got that out of the way. So anyway... what was I going to say? Now I don't remember.

Oh yeah. Fuck mondays. God damn, no good stinkin' mondays... I'm going to go try to make myself feel better by looking at all the neat Disney-branded golf shit I could buy, if I had any money.

Permanenser sentados, por favor

[ Listening to: Disneyland-to-Disneyland Hotel Monorail audio (1990) | Matterhorn Bobsleds audio collage ]

Friday, April 22, 2005


i'm not sure why...

but I decided to get real drunk last night, and I am paying for it now. four whiskey sours, two vodka martinis. yikes.

good news is I get my glasses today at 4:30! WOOHOO!!!

more later.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


It seems like my feedreader is set up...

The Onion, The New Yorker, Something Awful, Get Your War On, FARK, McSweeney's, The Daily Show,, Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, Alton Brown, plus all my friends' blogs... I am certainly not going to need to aimlessly surf quite as much as I had to before

Just testing something. PEACE.


I love FeedReader. I have it set up to read all my friends' blogs, plus Elephants in Oakland, Athletics Nation, SaveDisney, and The Disney Blog. I'm now searching around for other sites I like and whether or not they have an Atom or RSS feed... apparently does, but it seems to be broken. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, but aren't aware... all BlogSpot blogs have an atom feed located at I'm happy because this morning I found my copy of Beck's Sea Change. Sure, it's a little depressing, but it was such a staple of every KCSC radio show that it immediately teleports me back to college, getting up early (and routinely hung-over) to do a 2-hour radio show that (almost) no one listened to. Rock.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


i made the main text bigger...

...and spaced it out some more. Hopefully it will be easier to read. [ listening to: Peoplemover (1980's audio) ]

blah blah blah

I hope the Niners pick Aaron Rodgers with the first pick on Saturday. Rumor has it these days, that Alex Smith of Utah is the favored QB in the Niner camp... but that guy has the same agent who got Eli Manning retarded money last year, and convinced the young fuck to hold out for a few months before signing. The Niners are in pain and need a new face (and new arm), and now... not later. Rodgers could be drafted and signed within 24 hours, ready to go to work playing for the team he grew up following.

The last local quarterback who wanted to play for the Niners, but was skipped over by the Crimson'n'Gold? Tom Fucking Brady. The guy has, what, three Super Bowl rings and two Super Bowl MVP trophies? (maybe that's only one MVP, not sure)... anyway... it's a lot more Super Bowl action than the Niners have seen in the last decade and a half.

I'm biased as all hell towards Rodgers. The kid grew up in Chico, played for the Butte College Roadrunners in Durham, and then took Cal to their highest ranking in like 50 years, including a win in the 2003 Insight Bowl, and a trip to the 2004 Holiday Bowl (not to mention, one pass away from a Pac-10 title, Rose Bowl berth, and, possibly, a National Championship). The guy grew up a Joe Montana fan. He wore a ratty #16 t-shirt under his jersey all through college, for chrissakes.

He wants to be a Niner. That alone is rare enough these days.

I want Aaron Rodgers. Not Alex Smith, not Braylon Edwards, not Mike Williams, not Antrel Rolle. I want Aaron Rodgers. Dammit.

[ listening to: Peoplemover (1960's audio) | Peoplemover (1970's audio) ]


...if your little aviators don't measure up to the height...

I know it is waaaaaaay too early to get Disney fever and all, but I have it. And speaking of fevers, Heather's broke yesterday. She came over last night, we packed in another six or seven episodes of Sports Night (we're knocking those out at a nice clip), had some Safeway soup (I had chili, she had minestrone) and I just tried to make her as comfortable as possible. Being sick sucks. The night before I made some fettucine alfredo with crab. Sure, it was imitation crab meat, and Classico's basic alfredo sauce, but it was still mm-mm-good. I bought a ton of pasta (fettucine, linguine, rigatoni) and sauces (still have a garlic alfredo and two jars of basil tomato) and Safeway the other day... figure it will be best for me if I can just boil some pasta and toss it over sauce for dinner, rather than going out. The basil tomato sauce will make a nice base for other stuff... i have plenty of herbs, I could do some chicken or beef in there, stuff like that. I'm starting to like cooking, in spite of the disgusting smallness of my kitchen. Not that I've measured, but my guess is that the foot space in the kitchen, with all the appliances and such, measures about five feet by three feet. I have probably a collective 4 square feet of counter space, and that's it. LAME. More pictures of Coronado Springs: Ahhhh... soooooo nice. 235 days, 15 hours, 16 minutes, 55 seconds [ listening to: Soarin' Over California (ride audio) | Haunted Mansion (ride audio) ]

Tuesday, April 19, 2005



So, apparently my eyeglasses could be here by Friday. I want them NOW goddamit! Anyway. Day is hopefully almost over... what time is it? 3:11pm right as I write this... 49 minutes and counting. Laaaaaame. Not lame: I'm thinking more and more this is where Heather and I should stay at Walt Disney World next December. The Coronado Springs Resort. Moderately priced (should be some nice discounts during the non-holiday winter time), gorgeous Mexico/American Southwest/Mayan architecture, and located far enough away from other resorts that the buses to/from CSR do not stop at other resorts! They're all direct lines to the theme parks and Downtown Disney! Woohoo! Here's a map of the resort (click for bigger version, including a red circle of where I want to stay...) 236 days, 8 hours, 44 minutes, 8 seconds [ listening to: Beck - Broken Train | The Shins - Saint Simon ]

Less Sucky Than Kavon

So it turns out that, due to a stat correction (or the delayed awarding of Hits With Runners In Scoring Position and Quality Starts) I did not lose both games last week in my fantasy baseball league, but rather split them (and beat my dad's friend Bob! I like beating Bob! Bob's been doing fantasy for like 20 years!). So I am 1-3, not 0-4... and Kavon is the only oh-fer team in the league. Sure, I'm still at the bottom of my division, but I think yesterday was my turn-around day. Why? First, A-Rod hit amassed 28 points for me yesterday... that's pretty standard for a batter to earn in a WEEK and he will play siz more days for me this week. He went 5-for-6, with a pair of homers, a pair of doubles, 5 runs and 6 RBI. His excellent hitting finally dragged his season batting average to .300. Considering the guy was my first-round draft pick (#3 overall, behind Johan Santana and Vlad Guerrero), I expect him to do well, dammit! Second, C.C. Sabathia, the second pitcher I drafted and the guy I thought would anchor my rotation along with Brad Radke, came off the DL. I dropped Noah Lowry, a young, but unexciting, pitcher, to make room for him. Third, Dallas McPherson, the first prospect I took a flier on in the draft, was recalled from Triple-A and will be starting at third for the Pasadena Angels of Santa Ana. All I had to drop for him was Jorge Julio, middle reliever for Baltimore who I had just in case their closer, B.J. Ryan (whom I have) lost his job on a shaky start. Ryan has 2 saves in 2 chances, and in 6 2/3 innings pitched, has posted an ERA of 2.70 and a WHIP of 1.50 (both a little on the high side for a closer)... but has an astronomical strikeout rate (figured as strikeouts-per-9-innings-pitched) of 16.2... that's better than 1.5 strikeouts per inning. Insane. So in other words, don't need Julio, Ryan's job is safe. Also, by bringing McPherson up from the minors, it opened up one of my two minor league spots. I grabbed Delmon Young, Double-A prospect right fielder in the Tampa Bay organization. Considered easily the best hitting prospect in the high minors, the guy could turn out to be everything Ken Griffey Jr. should have been had it not been for injuries. With him and Felix Hernandez (right-handed pitcher, Single-A, Mariners), I have the best hitter and the best pitcher in the minors on my keeper team. Word. Finally... I trade Delmon Young's big brother Dmitri, DH/1B for the Detroit Tigers, to Andy for Rodrigo Lopez, starting pitcher in Baltimore. Young had actually earned more points to date for me than any other hitter on my team, but I just don't think he'll sustain it, and I knew his trade value would never be higher. Lopez, on the other hand, ought to be good for 13-14 wins this season, and an ERA in the 3.75-4.25 range. With him, Sabathia, Radke, Gustavo Chacin and Bronson Arroyo, my pitching staff is set. And I have Travis Hafner and Shea Hillenbrand to cover the DH/1B role for me. So I'm finally feeling like my team is set, and not just now, but for the future. With A-Rod heating up, Sheffield anchoring the outfield, and the young guys like Swisher, McPherson, David DeJesus and Jeremy Reed just ready to break out... as long as my other vets like Hillenbrand, Johnny Damon and Edgar Renteria perform to snuff... I feel like this team could definately win the whol magilla. Even if Jeremy did draft Huston Street. That bastard. Of course... he really wanted Delmon Young, and called me a bastard for that... so now we're fucking even. Word. [ listening to: Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds ]

Monday, April 18, 2005


another monday... lame.

So my fantasy baseball team (at least, the one I care about) is eating ass, at 0-4. Sure, there are 42 mroe games to try to win, but right now my team sits in the cellar of the league and it SUCKS. It seems that someone who did or does work at my company posted some nasty, nasty shit on personal shit, apparently. They've blocked access to that site from the office, so I can't see until I get home. Lots of mentions about people in my department, so we're pretty sure it's this recently-fired jackass who never worked hard a single day in the 7 or 8 months he was in Customer Relations. Anyway, I don't know what it said there, but I'm gonna check it out this afternoon when I get home. 237 days, 10 hours, 27 minutes, 55 seconds...

Friday, April 15, 2005


so apparently I'm supposed to write something...

It looks like today will be something of a slow day at work. Sure, I have the usual Monday morning emails to get setup today before I leave, plus a landing page/thankyou page combo to whip up, but that's collectively, maybe, 2 hours' work. So I think today I'm gonna look at putting some legwork into choosing a resort for the Walt Disney World trip Heather and I are planning. The great question, of course, is still cost. Neither of us really know just how much money we'll have to work with come December. What I have figured out, is that I'm a smart enough guy and know how to get all the information I need, and therefore will not be using a travel agent. I'm gonna go it alone (well, not alone, with Heather) on planning and finding the best deal. The amount of information out on the internet alone is amazing, and I even have a spreadsheet that will calculate estimated dining costs, specifically by which restaurant you might eat at. It'll even tell you how far out you need to make Priority Seating requests. So I plan on putting together some pictures/stats/costs for most of the resorts at WDW... and certainly for All-Star Movies, Pop Century, Caribbean Beach, Port Orleans (Riverside and French Quarter), BoardWalk, Beach/Yacht Club, Contemporary, Polynesian and Wilderness Lodge. And maybe others. A's game tonight. Will hopefully go better than Monday's game. Z needs to find his stuff and find it fast... if he hangs that curve against the The Angels Angels, us bleacher bums will be seeing a lot of gray-and-red jerseys knocking a lot of balls into our seats. Lame.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


free food and beer? cool. game? LAME.

The A's game last night suuuuucked. Except that me and Heather were in a luxury box with Alana and Paul, and Matt and Renee and others... Alana's dad got the mad hookup. Chicken wings, little slider hamburgers, hot dogs, turkey wraps, chips, salad, fruit, cookies and brownies, and of course, beer... all to be had without a dime coming out of my pocket. Rock. So yeah, the suite was cool, the game was shitty. Heather and I booked it after the top of the 7th, when it was 10-2. Saw Huston Street pitch a decent inning (Heather thinks he has the coolest baseball name EVER), then hightailed it back to BART and back to W.C. Everyone came into work before 8:30 today... wigging me out... feels like I've been here two hours, and I haven't. Though, I did get in at 7:15, and will be booking at 3:45 I think. I have shit to do that I don't want to do. As per usual. It's shit that I'm putting off and I need to just hammer it out, for chrissakes. Get paid on Friday. Need to start figuring out my budget situation better. Not sure if I can survive like this until July when I move out. Sucks.

Monday, April 11, 2005



244 days, 12 hours, 42 minutes, 1 second

greatest. song. ever.

"Girl" by Beck. And I know I'm gonna steal her eye, she doesn't even know it's wrong, and I know I'm make it die, take her where the soul belongs, know I'm gonna steal her eye, nothing that I wouldn't try. hey, my summer girl, hey, my summer girl, my summer girl, hey, my summer girl At least I think that's the chorus... could be wrong... also kinda sounds like "sun-eyed girl" or "sonar girl"... anyway, the song ROCKS. Going to the A's home opener tonight. Gonna be in the KTVU luxury skybox with Heather, Alana and Paul, Nicky Rundown and other assorted Montano's, plus Brian and Jenny Banmiller. Eric, Kavon, and Gretchen will hopefully not get too lonely out in the bleachers... I may be playing it rich tonight, but I still got 19 more games as a bleacher bum this season. Today marks the 3-month point for Heather and I. It's gone by very fast, yet I can hardly remember what my life was like before her. I guess the old saying is essentially true: good things come to those who wait. I'm glad I waited. Love you, sweet pea. More later... gonna try to hammer out some stuff for the guidebook...

Friday, April 08, 2005


I had an epiphany in the shower...

two, actually... the first had to do with a tagline for my company. Actually, I think I dreamed it and then remembered it in the shower. Anyway, the one I wanted to mention is this: I'm gonna write a book. The tentative title is Never Too Old: A Twentysomething's Guide to Disneyland, Walt Disney World, and the Disney Cruise Line. Yes, the subtitle is long, but informative. Drawing on my own recent experiences (in my 20s, I believe I've had five trips to Disneyland, 3 to Disney World (planning a fourth), and 1 stint on the Cruise Line) and the wealth of researchabled information available out there, I'm going to write a travel guide to the American Disney offerings, geared at twentysomethings... whether they be solo fliers, young couples, young parents, or there with their own parents/families... Figure I'll work out an outline first, start writing first drafts of basics (introduction, theme park guides), use the next few months of planning my own trip to help write some of the Planning sections, use the trip Heather and I are taking to WDW in December to flesh things out, try to make it to Disneyland once in the next twelve months, and finish it up. Can a first edition of a travel guide be written in a year? It better be able to... shit changes fast enough to make a longer turnaround in danger of becoming obsolete before anyone reads it. Anyway, it's a thought. I hope I can stay focused on this. [ Listened to: Beck - Girl, Beck - Ghettochip Malfunction, Beck - Debra ] UPDATE: First-draft outline for "Never Too Old": CLICKY

Monday, April 04, 2005


saturday's draft...

...was a great success, methinks. Not just because I like the team I drafted, but because everyone seemed to have a good time, and we got through the whole deal (160 selections) in about 2 and a half hours. Pretty sweet. So, here's how the 2005 Grim Grinning Ghosts currently look:

C: Jason Kendall
1B: Shea Hillenbrand, Scott Hatteberg
2B: Orlando Hudson
3B: Alex Rodriguez, Dallas McPherson (minors)
SS: Edgar Renteria
OF: Johnny Damon, Gary Sheffield, Nick Swisher, David DeJesus, Jeremy Reed
DH: Travis Hafner, Dmitri Young
SP: Brad Radke, Cliff Lee, Noah Lowry, Bronson Arroyo, C.C. Sabathia (DL)
RP: Octavio Dotel, B.J. Ryan, Jorge Julio

Not too bad... and I love some of the youth, including DeJesus, Swisher, Reed, McPherson, Ryan, Hafner, Lee, and Lowry... that's probably the core of my keeper talent (along with A-Rod, Sheff, and Kendall)... should be a good season!




251 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes, 10 seconds

Friday, April 01, 2005

[ hearing: barenaked ladies "the old apartment" . . . n*e*r*d "things are getting better" ] So the day started pretty good... had to get gas, and even though the shit is up to $2.50/gallon, it didn't make me late to work, got in right on time, good parking space, all that. Got me a sesame bagel... there's never enough sesame bagels on Friday, and Elina wants them too, so today, I got one and she FUCKING DIDN'T!! HAHAHAHA!! Even got first crack at the garlic/herb shmear. Yum. Supposed to have lunch bought and paid for today, but Anne may not be coming in, as she had to take her son to the ER last night due to what was apparently a super-serious asthma attack. Fucking sucks for the guy (I think her kids are like 20-25) but it also sucks for me, because I wanted food (and an hour and a half to eat it and not doing anything else!) Oh well. First fantasy baseball draft yesterday went awesome. Got some great steals, including Victor Martinez in the third round, Andruw Jones in the eighth, and Travis Hafner (as my second 1B behind Todd Helton) in the sixth. Rock. Should have the Saves category pretty well locked up, too, with Keith Foulke and B.J. Ryan. Anyway, enough of that. Should be going to see Sin City tonight... should be cool. TFGIFF.


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