...and drink no wine, and are therefore no good at parties
So one interesting thing that I've noticed, now that I've had Gmail for about 13 months or so, is that going back through your old email actually can
be interesting. I just stumbled upon a list I submitted to McSweeney's
, but on which they passed. So, I'm going to reprint it here, in the format that they should have in the first place, dammit.
French Phrases No Man Should Utter To His Lover While In Bed, Unless, Of Course, She Does Not Understand French, With Translations
by Steve Paulo
- - - -
"Vous sentez aussi beau que l'âne d'un ours" -- ("You smell as lovely as the ass of a bear")
"Votre visage m'incite à pleurer incontrôlablement" -- ("Your face makes me weep uncontrollably")
"Votre soeur est étonnante dans le lit" -- ("Your sister is amazing in the sack")
"Mais la fille dans la vidéo d'adulte l'a aimée" -- ("But the girl in the porno loved it")
"L'essai est revenu positif" -- ("The test came back positive")
"Je badinais seulement, je suis vraiment une femme" -- ("I was only kidding, I am really a woman")
Shit. I thought it was funny.
Did I ever mention they added a "REASON WE MIGHT SEND BACK OR DISLIKE YOUR SUBMISSION" based specifically on something I sent them? I only know, because they never responded, and then added it...
- Your submission was some kind of list of goofy e-mail names from spam you received.
Oh yeah. I did that. Specifically. The list was called "A Quasi-Random Sample of Email Subject Lines From One Dot-Com Company's Customer Service Inbox, Unedited."