dead men tell no tales...

...and drink no wine, and are therefore no good at parties

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


"You people get it, and you come from a long line of it-getters"

Stephen Colbert

I had a chance to catch the premiere episode of Comedy Central's newest show, and the first Daily Show spinoff, The Colbert Report, starring Daily Show correspondant and [adult swim] voiceover man (as Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law's own Phil Ken Sebbin), Stephen Colbert. Pictured.

I have to say, I was impressed. I especially love that the "T" in "Report" is not pronounced (much like the "T" in "Colbert" is silent)... I hadn't caught that in the promo spots, but it certainly makes more sense of the "It's French... bitch" tagline.

I was a little worried that it would feel like a total Daily Show ripoff, or that Colbert just wouldn't be as funny for 23 minutes as he is for 6 at a time, doing correspondant work. But it was comedy gold, and they've already introduced a homebrew segment, called "The Word"... DailyKos had a nice snippet of it posted up this morning... I'll just gank it...

Anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist for constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation... We are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

Consider Harriett Miers. If you think about Harriett Miers, of course her nomination's absurd! But the President didn't say he thought about this selection, he said this:

President Bush: "I know her heart."

Notice that he didn't say anything about her brain? He didn't have to. He feels the truth about Harriett Miers. And what about Iraq? If you think about it, maybe there are a few missing pieces to the rationale for war. But doesn't taking Saddam out feel like the right thing... right here in the gut? Because that's where the truth comes from, ladies and gentlemen... the gut.

Did you know that you have more nerve endings in your stomach than in your head? Look it up. Now, somebody's gonna say 'I did look that up and its wrong'. Well, Mister, that's because you looked it up in a book. Next time, try looking it up in your gut. I did. And my gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

Now I know some of you may not trust your gut... yet. But with my help you will. The "truthiness" is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news... at you.

Gold. I can't wait for more. 'Gratz to Colbert. Oh, and the Gravitas-off with Stone Phillips was priceless. I look forward to watching the Colbert Report any night I'm actually home at 11:30pm.

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